Please review my first attempt at a landing page

Show Bootstrapped
#1

Solo bootstrapper with a few paying customers I’ve reached via cold-calling. Now it’s time to grow. Would love your input on this page - thentic.com/why

#2

H1 title is too small. This should be the first thing I read on the screen even if I stay 3 meters from the computer.

The rest of titles are too small, too.

#3

Headers needs to be bolder to stand out. Everything is kind of mudding together. I would also try to increase the linespacing and the distance between the various text snippets to ease up on readability.

#4

Thank you both. A different perspective is super helpful.

#5

Hi thentic,

Thanks for throwing this up for public feedback–I know how damn hard that is to do.

Here’s some feedback on it, like you requested:

  • Your title at the top doesn’t feel compelling to me. No one wakes up in the morning and says, “Man, I need better brand experience!” Focus on a true benefit for your audience–do you save them time? Make them money? Take away some hideous pain? That needs to be in the headline right away or you lose me.
  • The page strikes me as a flat, boring wall of text. Spice it up a bit–add some image(s) for interest. Break up the text with BOLD sentences highlighted to stand out. The page lacks something to make me stick around as a “scanner” (reading only the bold stuff, headlines and images) You have 5 seconds to grab my attention. Make sure you use them well.
  • There’s no call to action (CTA) above the fold. When I do finally find it at the bottom of the page, the text is microscopic. This should stand out and scream for attention like a child having a meltdown in a store because mommy won’t give him a lollipop. Seriously.
  • Reading everything above your fold, I can’t actually tell what your product does and the pain it solves. Something about brand loyalty and training, but it’s vague and if I can’t tell, your customers probably can’t either. Write clear, engaging copy that hits the customer in the gut–you need to nail empathy about their pain to get them to engage with you. I’m not feeling that on the page.

Hope that helps a bit.

EDIT: For other great tips, I strongly suggest reading Dan Norris’ website reviews that he publicly posts: http://wpcurve.com/category/website-reviews/ There are others you can get as well (@patio11 does them regularly when he comments on HN and on other forums, so does Hiten Shah). Read everything you can get your hands on. See what the good sites all have in common. Look for common mistakes. Learn. Iterate. Test with your customers. TALK to your customers, more importantly…It’s a marathon, not a sprint. And definitely not a one-time 100yd dash.

2 Likes
#6

Thanks Dave, awesome advice.

#7

First of all, this looks like a really compelling B2B product, so congrats! From what you’ve written here, it sounds like getting information from 1000’s of vendors and training all of your employees would cost a lot of money to do. Ultimately, it sounds like you could save the customer money.

So, I agree with @daverodenbaugh that the headline could be more compelling. Something like “reduce your training costs by 25%” or something like that would speak to the pain of who you’re talking to.

Think of your landing page as grabbing your customer by the pain point, building desire, then eliminating any objectives. It could be like this:

Reduce your training costs by 25%

“I’m listening!”

Aren’t you sick of interfacing with 1000’s of vendors and [specifics about how they do it] and paying trainees to digest all your messed-up, disorganized information?

“Yes! How did you know I [specific thing about how they do it now]!?”

Look at all of the badass stuff we do. It’s in a clear interface, and we provide analytics and other cool things (screenshots that illustrate how it addresses specific pain points)

“Damn, that looks sweet! But, but, but…”

We already thought about all of your concerns. Implementation costs? Fuggedaboutit! Learning how to use it? Covered! You can even try this stuff for free, and we’ll even give you free ice cream, etc. (all of these depend upon how far up the early adopter curve you are. Some customers aren’t worth trying to convince this early in the game)

“Yes! Please take my credit card information.”

Also, I’d lose the side-by-side column stuff. Tell the story straight down the page, and break it up nicely.

Hope this helps!

3 Likes
#8

If it’s not off topic, I’d like to hear more about how you signed customers by cold calling. Could you elaborate?